I had a discussion with my younger son the other day.He was literally dragging his body from one room to the next, head dropped forward, shoulders hunched forward, and as I observed, just not in a good place.
I asked him what was wrong and he replied, "nothing." It was obvious this was not his good state of being as he is usually focused in on playing Lego or walking around with his shoulders back and a slight smile of contentment on his face which you can SEE because his head is erect. He also cuddles and touches a LOT, and he had not hugged me yet that day. Something was up. I asked him how he was feeling and he said "normal." I questioned what Normal was for him...and also pointed out how he is usually. You see, at school he experiences a lot of put downs from a number of his peers. And over the many years the have been in school together, as much as I have mentioned this to teachers, it still persist. I have even witnessed it personally and expressed how it was not nice to talk to others that way and they apologized....and the behaviour still persists. THIS is what has become a norm for him and so, for most of the day, while he is away from home, this is his experience. And it's for the bulk of the day that he is at school in this "norm". Is that why he hugs and cuddles so much when he is home? Maybe. But shouldn't our "normals" feel good?
I guess in actuality, it's not that there is any such thing as normal. What we allow ourselves to become accustomed to can become our daily expectation, and in essence becomes the "norm" we establish. However, if it is abusive or not encouraging, if it is not building you up in a positive way, why do we choose to accept it? We should be able to decide for ourselves what we want to experience...it doesn't have to be label as normal, but we can establish it as a standard that we hold ourselves to.
Do we want to smile? Do we want to breathe deeply and feel grateful to be alive? Do we want to wake up in the morning and enjoy being embraced and surrounded by our loved ones? Do we want to celebrate being around our friends and family and enjoying and exploring in our journeys together? Do we want to feel free to express our passions and joys with those around us and that they feel free and safe to share theirs with us as well? Yes! These were all things that we talked about and that made us feel light and even excited to be alive. The significant difference between an unpleasant "normal" and an uplifting standard.
As a family, we still need to discuss what that looks like for each of us individually and being okay with the fact that it will look different for each of us without compromising on the passion of another. It is an opportunity for us to grow in our loving consideration and celebration of one another, and seeing ways in which each one of us can build the other up and be built up by the gifts that each of us has.
Tuesday, March 1, 2016
The first steps...know your footsteps
This is a new month and the beginning of documenting our family's journey from living within the city to living out on and "off" the land.
My husband has always identified "home" as being away from the city scape and its "hustle" and "bustle" and out on an acreage outside of town. This is how he grew up! His parents still live in that home that he reminisces about.
Myself, I grew up in a few different environments and I recall them all clearly. Although for MANY years my husband just viewed me as a scared city girl afraid of the outdoors, it was because he didn't ask what my experience was. As much as you could try and convince others of who and what you are, they have to choose to be curious and interested. i guess it gave me the air of mysterious that many are looking for hahaha....but with all mysteries aside, I went from apartment, to suburban house and in between all that grew up navigating the countryside living of my parents home country, Jamaica with a relative ease and curiosity. And THAT space is like home for me.
I will admit, I like living in a house. One with enough space to allow for creativity and the nurturing of talents and passions. This discussion and desire is not new to my husband. And over the last 15 years, I have watched it grow. I have also watched our boys grow into knowing their own passions and interests, and I know....that we need to consider carefully how we will best nurture their spirits through this transition.
As for me, I am beginning to express what it is I truly see and personally desire from this move out to a land space of our own. There are many hurdles that should be carefully navigated to make this transition not only as smooth as possible, but one that will allow us to be supported as opposed to grasping for air at the surface of an ocean of air. I want our mindset to be prepped for thriving not just "making it" and in constant survival mode. Honestly, for the last 13 years it has felt like survival mode. This is the first year that I feel that I can breathe and enjoy being the space that I am in.
My husband has always identified "home" as being away from the city scape and its "hustle" and "bustle" and out on an acreage outside of town. This is how he grew up! His parents still live in that home that he reminisces about.
Myself, I grew up in a few different environments and I recall them all clearly. Although for MANY years my husband just viewed me as a scared city girl afraid of the outdoors, it was because he didn't ask what my experience was. As much as you could try and convince others of who and what you are, they have to choose to be curious and interested. i guess it gave me the air of mysterious that many are looking for hahaha....but with all mysteries aside, I went from apartment, to suburban house and in between all that grew up navigating the countryside living of my parents home country, Jamaica with a relative ease and curiosity. And THAT space is like home for me.
I will admit, I like living in a house. One with enough space to allow for creativity and the nurturing of talents and passions. This discussion and desire is not new to my husband. And over the last 15 years, I have watched it grow. I have also watched our boys grow into knowing their own passions and interests, and I know....that we need to consider carefully how we will best nurture their spirits through this transition.
As for me, I am beginning to express what it is I truly see and personally desire from this move out to a land space of our own. There are many hurdles that should be carefully navigated to make this transition not only as smooth as possible, but one that will allow us to be supported as opposed to grasping for air at the surface of an ocean of air. I want our mindset to be prepped for thriving not just "making it" and in constant survival mode. Honestly, for the last 13 years it has felt like survival mode. This is the first year that I feel that I can breathe and enjoy being the space that I am in.
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